I have suffered many injustices because a lot of people have done some really bad things to me that have hurt me very badly and traumatized me, and some of those people were members of my family, as well as people who I was close to, and thought were my friends.
I have long since forgiven them (my enemies) and I have no bitterness nor resentment inside of me, and God knows all of this. However, for the past few days, He has been speaking to me about the possibility of my forgiveness being put into action; meaning that I say that I have forgiven them but if my forgiveness requires me to take some sort of action, will I do it, according to His purpose and His will? And the short answer is - yes.
God’s purpose for my life and His will and my obedience to Him is something that I take very seriously, and so I told God that whatever He wants me to do, I will always do it, even if it has to do with my enemies... those who have hurt me.
Having this conversation with God just last night, brought to my mind a post that I put on my Facebook a little over two years ago, during a moment when I was hurting and broken. It was during a time when God had revealed to me people who were in my life who were not for me; people who did not care for me the way I loved and cared for them. These people included my family. The crazy part is, many months later, after being released from Woodhull Hospital, I ended up speaking to all of them again, but that is another story that I will probably use as a subject for a future Blog Post which I will title: Stop Choosing People When You are Hurting and Lonely.
Meanwhile, back to the post that I put on my Facebook page in 2022:
So, I tested positive for COVID on January 1st, 2022, and I was very sick in my apartment, alone, for a few weeks, and none of my family checked on me even once, and they all knew that I had COVID. That right there spoke volumes to me because COVID was killing people left and right. Many people were dying from COVID every day. I even remember driving by Brooklyn Hospital and seeing a large trailer parked outside where they kept the deceased (people who had died of COVID) because they did not have any room in the hospital to keep the bodies. That COVID period very sad as well as frightening.
Several members of my family had COVID before I did. One of them had it twice. I worried about them, prayed for them, and checked on them very often, and even those individuals did not check on me when I had COVID. So, God did not even have to tell me that my family did not care about me because the evidence was clear.
During the time when I had COVID, I was experiencing brokenness and sadness because of dealing with high levels of stress from my then employer, who ended up terminating my employment (unjustly) as soon as I returned to work after being out with COVID.
Fast forward: Amidst all the pain that I was in - in that year and month (January 2022), God spoke to me and gave me a vision (my small business: Formula B Solutions Strategic Program Designers and Consulting Services), a plan, and instructions.
Yes… with all the pain that I was in and in my brokenness, God was speaking to me telling me what He wanted me to do, and I agreed... I said, "yes", and He then gave me step by step instructions on how to get it done (build my business). God even told me what He wanted me to name my business. And get this: All the while God was telling me all of this and giving me instructions, He was also dealing with my heart (uprooting all of my pain from even childhood) and healing me from all that hurt me. The whole experience was really something. It was truly a blessed and amazing experience.
Interestingly enough, just yesterday (4.14.2024), I was looking through some notes in my notebook and I read something that I wrote on January 22nd, 2022, about the experience that I speak of, where I detailed all that was happening to me with me building and starting my business and with God dealing with me and my pain (healing me), as well as delivering me from that which had be bound (i.e., a strong dependence on marijuana and a sleep aid). I will probably share that journal entry in one of my future Blog Posts. I am very glad that I documented that experience because I would have never remembered all accounts of it, which I needed to because it will be a part of my upcoming full testimony.
That period for me (the month of January 2022 and even the months that followed) was such a sacred time because it was just me and God and no one else. There were no distractions, no nothing... just like now. I was not talking to anyone, and I was not around anyone for quite some time, except that I was visiting my mother, which was great and very much needed for me, but other than that, it really was just me and God.
It was during this time that I had an encounter with Him that I had never had in my life, and I have always been a believer, and have seen many signs and wonders, but I had never experienced God like that before and it left me in awe. I had what you would call, a supernatural encounter with God, which, again, resulted in my small business.
It was also during this encounter with God that He told me very clearly what my purpose was (is) and what He wanted me to do (and still wants me to do). And He told me all that He was going to do for me and through me. That's right; God made some promises to me that I hold in my heart to this very day, and God is a promise keeper. This I know.
Let me tell you this though: God gave me the vision, the instructions, and the promise, but He never ever told me all that I would have to go through (all that I would have to endure), to-date (while carrying His promise and being chosen and anointed by Him), in order to get to what He has for me, which I still have not got there yet, and I have no idea when I will get there. It is a very frustrating, uncomfortable, lonely, and painful process... To not know when or how, or even what, and to not have anyone telling me anything. However, there is nothing that I can do about it except to continue to trust God and wait on Him. And that is what He wants.
Bishop T. D. Jakes said: "In order to get to the promise, you have to go through the process."
Meanwhile, the point that I have been trying to arrive at for the longest is that even during my pain, when God was working on me and purging me and transforming me into His likeness (preparing me for my purpose), He told me very clearly not to be bitter or angry with those who had hurt me, and He told me to forgive them (and I did). God also told me that in the same way that He gives me grace (gives us grace), is the same way that I am to give my enemies grace. And thus, that Facebook post (below) that I mentioned earlier in this Blog Post was created, on January 15, 2022 (just three days before I became a business owner):
For even our enemies deserve our grace.
Trust me when I tell you that God was working on my heart and spirit big time when I put that post up, because I could have never felt this way on my own, during a time when I was hurting badly because of other people. And let me not leave this out:
During that same time, I remember that God was telling me who to pray for, and would you believe that it was many of the very people who had hurt me? Yes! I could not believe it. And God even revealed to me things about those persons (thing that had happened to them in their lives/things that were causing them pain) that He specifically wanted me to pray for concerning them, and I did.
There were so many moments where I was in deep prayer for them (my enemies), interceding for them, because it was God's will that I do so. I even have Post-it notes that I saved (from over two years ago) where when God would speak to me and tell me things, for example, that the persons that I prayed for was healed, I would write it down on a Post-it, with the date and time that I received the message from God, and then stick the note on my vision board, which was on the wall near my television.
So yeah, God showed me areas in my enemies' lives where they had been hurt/where they were hurting and He told me that they also needed healing and so, again, I was in deep prayer, constantly, for them, as per His instructions. And this all took place during my own pain. Imagine that.
Yes... God is indeed something else, but I know that He loves me the way He does because He knows my heart and He know that while I am not perfect, I do love deeply, and I care about people a lot and want the best for them, and I have always done my best to bring out the best in others and see the good in everyone. That is why God chose me. I am certain of it.
You see, God chooses us by our hearts. It does not matter what other people may think about us or how they see us or how they judge us because often times, their opinions are flawed and their thoughts about us are rooted in envy.
God knows our heart and only His judgement matters. Always remember this. And never try to please people but always aim to please God.
So… back to the point of today’s Blog Post which started out with me mentioning that God has recently been speaking to me about the forgiveness that I say I have for my enemies possibly being called into action one day.
I can tell that this matter is important to Him (for my sake), and this was confirmed with/through the messages in the sermons by Bishop T. D. Jakes that I have been listening to between yesterday and today which all had to do with people in the Bible who had been betrayed and hurt by their family (i.e., Joseph) as well as others, and how they forgave those who hurt them and tried to kill them, and even ended up helping them/being a blessing to them, which was all a part of God's plan.
The sermon that I listened to this evening by T. D. Jakes is titled: Insights on Influence
I highly recommend that you watch it on YouTube, as well as his sermon titled: Joseph’s Tears.
Below are different quotes that I took from T. D. Jakes sermon – Insights on Influence, that spoke directly to me, and that I wanted to share with you today:
“God may enlarge your territory with people who hurt you.
God may enlarge your territory with people who you are afraid to trust.
God may enlarge your territory with people you don’t like anymore.
[And] you have to be big enough for the Prodigal Son to come home.
[This basically means that you have to have radical forgiveness and be able to put it in action/act on it. Remember, the Prodigal Son’s father went outside to meet him and welcomed him with open arms, and he even threw him a party. The latter part is a bit extreme for me, but I got the point of the message].
It [may] become necessary for [me] to forgive [in order] to enlarge my territory [meaning, to receive all that God has for me as well as do his will/fulfill His purpose for others].
You can’t have massive influence and be massively inflexible.
Even on the cross, Jesus [ministered] forgiveness to the people that crucified Him… [Jesus was very flexible]”
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"Insights on Influence" was an awesome message, and I was blessed by it and fed spiritually, and I certainly received all that God wanted me to receive.
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My message to you today is: We must extend to others, even our enemies, the same grace that God gives us.
Be encouraged. God loves you.
Love and peace,
Yolanda Billingslea (Ms. B)
FYI: My Facebook Page name is Yolanda Billingslea (my profile picture has "Unbreakable" across it). Be inspired and encouraged by my daily posts.
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