Let God Father You

Hi friends!

What a lovely day it is today. I hope you are well, and I hope that you are enjoying your summer.

As I was packing up my apartment yesterday, I came across some of my poetry.

Yesss... I am a writer. I am a poet. I love to write, and I love poetry.

Last night I decided that today I was going to share a poem that I wrote in maybe, 2003.

I decided to share this particular poem (in which in the future, I will be sharing more of my poetry) because it is a poem that I wrote from a place of pain. Pain that I had since my very early childhood, that persisted throughout adulthood, into my 40's (FYI: I am still in my 40's. Lol).

As dismal as this poem may be, there is a very good ending, not in regard to the poem itself, but the message that I am going to share after the poem.

Here is the poem, titled: Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe, written by me, Yolanda Billingslea

Where were you when I needed you to tell me that you loved me?

Why was your place at the table always empty?

Why is it that when I performed on stage, you never came to see me?

You never held my hand and took me for walks through the park.

You were never there to comfort me when I was afraid of the dark.

A father's praise and compliments are the root of a young girl's self-esteem.

What I really needed from you was love and support, not material things.

I yearned for your attention.

I was supposed to be your queen.

Yet, I never sat on your lap.

You never tucked me in.

You never took me to school.

You weren't even around to screen my boyfriends.

You didn't know my favorite color,

my favorite foods,

my hobbies,

my strengths,

or my weaknesses.

Because you neglected me for your wife and other kids.

Did you have any idea of the impact this would have on me as the years went by?

Would you believe that as a result of your absence in my life, I still cry?

It's sad though, that the only memories I have is of you coming by the house every other Friday.

I can vividly remember feeling uncomfortable around you because you would look into my eyes and never know what to say.

Never hugged me.

Never kissed me.

Never once told me that you missed me.

My hopes and dreams of establishing a decent relationship with you

went up in flames when I was just fourteen years old.

And would you believe that I wasn't even notified when your body turned cold.

I deserved to know.

I wanted to pay my respects

to the father who did nothing for me except send me checks.

To the father who never encouraged me.

To the father who never once told me that he loved me.

Mommy tried her best to give me what you refused.

That woman gave me everything -

yet still,

I needed you.

Daddy, I needed to be your little girl.

I needed that more than anything else in this world.

__________

So, from this poem, you can tell that the absence of my father in my life affected me a great deal (for forty-something years). But guess what? Today I am healed, and I no longer miss or yearn for an earthly father. This is so true. God did it!

Indeed, in January of 2022, when I had a supernatural encounter with God, which I have detailed in one of my blog posts, God healed all of my pain. Things that I did not even know that I was still hurting from... things that happened to me during my childhood, God brought it all to the surface... He brought it to my attention, and then He healed me from it.

It was an experience that I can never forget. It was a painful one too.

You see, when God excavated my pain... when He dug it all up and brought it to the surface (all of my pain), I cried. I cried a long, loud, deep, sorrowful, chest heaving in and out kind of cry. I know for certain my neighbors heard me. The pain felt so raw as if I had just been hurt. I realized though that I needed to get that cry out because there were some painful things that I have gone through in my life, that I never cried about.

But fast forward, let me just tell you that after the process was over... after God took my pain away and healed me, He showed me that He did all of that for me because He loves me so much and He cares about how I feel, and I really felt that. At that moment I felt fathered by God. And I told myself, God is my father.

I knew then that God was the only father that I ever needed, and He has, to date, continued to prove that to me with the way he loves on me and protects me, and I have never, since that day... since my supernatural encounter with God inside of my apartment in January of 2022, missed or yearned for my earthly father again.

Amen.

__________

If you are experiencing any negative emotions from not having your father in your life, or if you have your father in your life, and he's not a good father (what you hope he would be to you/for you), I want to encourage you to let God father you. I mean, He is in fact, our Abba Father (it says so in your Bible).

Let God father you. I promise you that He will take away your pain, just like He did for me.

Give God a try.

I would like you to listen to a song by Shekinah Glory called - Father Me

Go on YouTube right now and listen to the song. You will not regret it.

Also, to those of you who are fathers, I encourage you to be a part of your child's/children's lives, but not only that, be a good part of their lives. As long as you have breath in your body, it is never too late.

Don't be the type of father who causes your child/children to be in therapy as an adult, due to trauma that you caused them.

__________

Be encouraged. God loves you.

Love and peace,

Yolanda Billingslea (Ms. B)

FYI: My Facebook Page name is Yolanda Billingslea (my profile picture has "Unbreakable" across it). Be inspired and encouraged by my daily posts.

My X (Twitter Page) is @YBformsolutions / Ms. B / Formula B Solutions Strategic Program Designers & Consulting Services LLC